Shorashim B’nai Mitzvah
Mazel Tov on your upcoming B’nai Mitzvah! Please see below for our B’nai Mitzvah handbook which details the process at Beth Am Israel. If you have any questions about a BAI B’nai Mitzvah, tutoring, Mitzvah Projects, or any other aspect, please reach out to our B’nai Mitzvah coordinator, Hazzan Harold Messinger, who will be happy to speak to you.
B’Nai Mitzvah Handbook
Haverot and Haverim (Friends),
We are so grateful that you have chosen to celebrate this life passage as a part of the Beth Am Israel Community and are excited to share your simcha (celebration) with you and your family.
Becoming B’nai Mitzvah means that an individual takes on the obligation of Mitzvot (commandments) — a new level of commitment to the community and a new status. Over the centuries, we’ve come to mark this moment of transition with a celebration, choosing to make this passage meaningful by building a set of rituals around it. A young teen’s first Aliyah (being called up) to the Torah signifies that they are counted as an adult member of the Jewish community. It is a great simcha for that individual, for the family, and for our entire community.
The B’nai Mitzvah celebration traditionally takes place over the course of Shabbat, beginning on Friday Night and then on Shabbat where your child will lead parts of the worship services, read from the Torah and Haftarah, and give a D’var Torah, in which they will teach about what they’ve studied in their particular Torah portion. In addition, each student will engage in a yearlong act of volunteering known as the “Mitzvah Project”.
Becoming B’nai Mitzvah is the culmination of a year or more of intensive study, both in the classroom and privately with your child’s tutor, our Rabbi and Hazzan and with you! It is our sincere hope that for your child and for you this milestone will not be the end, but a step along the path of their continuing Jewish Education whether through Jewish summer camp, our BAI Teen Program, or any number of programs, activities and organizations connecting your child with deeper Jewish identity and commitment.
L’shalom,
Hazzan Harold Messinger (B’nai Mitzvah Coordinator)
Rabbi David Ackerman
Cantor Jenn Boyle, Education Director
Lori Dafilou, Executive Director
Meet our Professional Team: Who’s Who in Your Simcha
Hazzan Harold Messinger, B’nai Mitzvah Coordinator: Primary contact for all matters related to the ritual aspects of the B’nai Mitzvah, including assigning honors and Torah readings, managing the student’s progress and being in contact with the child’s tutor; working closely with the Rabbi to handle any sensitive family concerns; coordinating the various Educational and Social offerings with our office staff and Education Director.
Rabbi David Ackerman: Point person for all things related to your child’s D’var Torah. Point person for all personal family matters that may impact your child’s celebration. Has final say on matters such as approval of caterers, use of alternative prayers or poetry in our service.
Cantor Jenn Boyle, Education Director: Oversees our Shorashim Education program. Works closely with families to monitor students’ progress and with our clergy to make sure students get what the support they need in their b’nai mitzvah training.
Lori Dafilou, Executive Director: Oversees all financial matters regarding being in good financial standing, handling questions about B’nai Mitzvah fees, rental of space, etc.
Molly Gray, Office Administrator: Molly is your go-to person for all logistics not directly related to the service and ritual aspects of the Bnai. Details such as the Program, scheduling photographers, Food, ordering kippot, etc. If Molly doesnt have the answer she will find out who does and will make sure your questions are answered in a timely fashion.
Formal Jewish Learning
As part of becoming a B’nai Mitzvah, students are expected to engage in formal
Jewish studies for five or more years, either by participating in attending classes in our Shorashim Limmud program or finding another educational arrangement, as worked out between the B’nai Mitzvah family, the clergy, and Cantor Jenn.
Beginning in third grade, students will begin their Hebrew learning through small group tutoring. During their years of Hebrew study, students will master the following prayers that they will lead during their B’nai Mitzvah:
- Shema and V’ahavta
- Opening Prayers of the Torah Service
- Torah and Haftarah Blessings
- Kiddush Over the Wine
Other prayers, as well as learning to chant from the Torah and Haftarah are part of the work of studying with a tutor in the year prior to the B’nai Mitzvah. More details on that below.
We recognize that learning differences, family situations and other circumstances occur. Please reach out to Rabbi David, Hazzan Harold, or Cantor Jenn to discuss any matters that may be specific to your child.
Preparing with a Tutor
About a year or so before your child’s B’nai Mitzvah, a course of private study will begin between your child and one of the BAI-approved tutors. Students will learn to chant from the Torah scroll, chant a portion from the Book of Prophets (Haftarah), and master leading several key prayers from both the Friday Night and Shabbat Morning (or Shabbat Afternoon or Festival) Service.
Tutors are contracted directly with the parents of the B’nai Mitzvah child. Beth Am Israel does not employ the tutors and financial agreements are made directly between the tutor and the family. Rates vary from tutor to tutor and depend on many factors.
If you are seeking advice on which tutor might be the best fit for your child, please contact Hazzan Harold directly. Likewise, if you already have a tutor in mind, please let Hazzan Harold know.
If you would like your child to work with a tutor who is not already approved by Beth Am Israel, please speak to Hazzan Harold so that he can connect with that person and review expectations, melodies, practices, etc.
In most cases, tutors will meet with your child roughly once a week for between 30 minutes and an hour, for approximately 10 months to a year, depending on each individual student.
Hazzan Harold will be in close contact with each tutor throughout the learning process. If at any time you have questions or concerns that you cannot work out directly with the tutor, please reach out to Hazzan Harold.
Participating in and leading our Worship Service
Below is a detailed outline of our Friday Night and Shabbat Morning Services including timing and information about what the B’nai Mitzvah is expected to lead during the various Worship services.
Friday Night
Kabbalat Shabbat (Welcoming Shabbat) services begin at 6:00 pm and end at 7:10 pm. The first 45 minutes are full of joyful music and singing as we welcome in Shabbat. During the second part of the evening service the B’nai Mitzvah will typically lead the following prayers:
- Shema and V’ahavta
- V’Shamru
- Hatzi Kaddish
- The Kiddush Blessing over wine.
Note: your child does not need to wear a Talit for this service.
Your child is welcome to take on more prayer leadership throughout the service if they are so inclined and can join in the first half of our service by playing an instrument and sitting in with our Musical Prayer leaders. If this is something your child might be interested in, please speak to Hazzan Harold. Recordings and music will be made available for them to review beforehand.
Shabbat Morning
Our Morning Service begins at 9:00 am with two concurrent offerings: Torah Study led by Rabbi David, and Tefilah B’Kavana (Prayer with Intention) – a mix of music, chants and prayer led by Hazzan Harold.
- The Family of the B’nai Mitzvah are expected to arrive no later than 9:30 am.
Pro tip: Please make sure that your B’nai Mitzvah is in your car when you leave the house!
- Guests should plan to arrive and are welcome to enter the Sanctuary anytime between 9:00 and 9:45 am but should plan to arrive no later than 10:00 am.
Pro tip: Most families indicate on their invitation that services begin at 9:45 am.
- At 9:45 am the formal Morning Service continues, at which point the B’nai Mitzvah will receive their Talit (“Prayer Shawl”).
- The Torah service begins around 10:15 am.
- During the Torah service the B’nai Mitzvah will be called to the Torah, recite the blessings and read from the Torah scroll.
- The B’nai Mitzvah will then read their D’var Torah out loud followed by chanting their Haftarah.
Pro tip: Please print out an extra copy of your d’var and bring it with you to the service.
- Showering the B’nai Mitzvah with Sweetness (aka “Tossing candy”) We mark this moment by gently tossing candy at your child. We will provide and distribute soft candy. No throwbacks by the B’nai Mitzvah, please!
- Parent Blessing. Following this, parents are invited to give their child a short blessing (typically 1-2 minutes) followed by blessings from the Rabbi and Hazzan.
- We then return the Torah to the ark, offer closing prayers and conclude our service with the B’nai reciting V’shamru (Kiddush), ritual hand washing and Hamotzi (blessing over Challah).
- Services conclude around 12:00 p.m.
During the service the B’nai Mitzvah will typically lead the following prayers:
- Blessing over the Talit (Prayer Shawl), said quietly.
- Shema and V’ahavta
- Opening of the Torah Service including holding the Torah while reciting the Shema.
- Torah blessings, before and after the Torah is read.
- Reading from the Torah Scroll
- Delivering the D’var Torah (aka, “The speech”)
- Haftarah Blessings, before and after.
- Reading a section of the Haftarah
Other prayers, including leading the Ashrei prayer, returning the Torah to the Ark, Musaf and other closing prayers (Ein Keloheinu, Aleinu, Adon Olam) and any other parts of the service are taught at the discretion of the tutor in consultation with Hazzan Harold and the parents.
The D’var Torah (aka, “The Speech”)
The D’var Torah (Words of Torah) is a core piece of the B’nai Mitzvah process. We encourage you, as parents, to spend some time with your child reading through your child’s Torah portion, discussing the themes raised and asking questions about how the Torah portion connects or resonates with them – it may or may not, and that’s okay. While in no way required, often the child will relate their Mitzvah Project to the Torah portion. More details about preparing the D’var Torah can be found in the back of this handbook.
The Mitzvah Project
Every child will engage in a year-long mitzvah project. The Mitzvah Project is meant to be an ongoing, regular experience of volunteering one’s time for a cause or organization that the student identifies as needing their help. This can range from tutoring or mentoring kids, visiting with the elderly, volunteering at an area Soup Kitchen, working with animals, cleaning a local park, helping raise funds or awareness for a National or Global cause, working to support Israel, etc.
Parents and caregivers please note: This is your child’s mitzvah project, and this may be the first time your child is composing an email seeking information from an organization, the first time making a phone call (and the follow up phone call) or searching the internet for a charitable cause. Let your child take the lead but be there to support them and offer help, and of course drive them if they need a ride somewhere!
In practice we ask each kid to volunteer for one hour a week for a year (give or take). Sometimes this is one Sunday a month for several hours, sometimes it’s after school for an hour here an hour there, etc. Each project is different, so please check in with Hazzan Harold with any questions.
If you are looking for Mitzvah Project suggestions, please visit this page to spark some ideas!
We ask that each child fill out an online Mitzvah Project worksheet at the beginning and end of their project. You can find those forms here:
https://bethamisrael.shulcloud.com/form/mitzvahproject1
https://bethamisrael.shulcloud.com/form/mitzvahproject2
- Mid year check in with parents about how project is going
- Ask families to complete exit survey at the end of the project
Alternatives to holding your ceremony on Shabbat Morning: Mincha (afternoon), Ma’ariv (evening), Havdalah, Rosh Hodesh (New Month), or Holidays that fall on a weekday.
There are instances where families choose to have a service at a time other than Shabbat Morning. While we strongly encourage families to have their ceremony on Shabbat Morning, there can be circumstances where finding a different service time makes the most sense for your child and your family, and we will be happy to discuss alternative prayer opportunities with you if you are looking into this option.
Mincha/Ma’ariv/Havdalah Services
Mincha is the afternoon service and usually takes place about 90 minutes before the end of Shabbat. It is a much shorter service, includes a Torah reading but no Haftara (Prophetic) reading and while open to our whole community, will likely only be attended by your guests.
Ma’ariv is a very brief evening service, usually led by Hazzan Harold and Rabbi David.
Havdalah is a very brief service that marks the end of Shabbat and beginning of the new week. It includes prayers of spices, candles, and wine with lots of singing.
Often these three services are combined and together run about 90 minutes. During these services the B’nai Mitzvah will lead selected parts of the service, including an abridged Torah service; read from the Torah, give a D’var Torah. Please note that there is no Haftarah reading during the afternoon service. Everything the B’nai Mitzvah is planning to lead will be coordinated and approved by Hazzan Harold in consultation with Rabbi David.
Additionally, the start time for afternoon, evening and Havdalah services must be coordinated with Rabbi David and Hazzan Harold.
Rosh Hodesh/New Month/Festival Service. Occasionally a family chooses to hold their service and ceremony on a Sunday, when it falls on a New Month or coincides with a holiday such as Sukkot or Hannukah and most importantly when the Torah is read publicly. If this is an option you’d like to explore please speak first with Rabbi David.
Expectations for Parents/Families: Be with us!
Attend Our Shabbat Worship Services (Friday Night and Shabbat Day)
In the 5th and 6th grade year, we expect you to come Friday night or Shabbat mornings ten times throughout the year (about once a month during the school year). What better and easier way than to learn the ebb and flow of the service, the music, the choreography, and everything else, then by coming out and simply being with us?! We mean it when we say that the best way to gain comfort and familiarity with the services at Beth Am Israel is to join our services.
Detailed Timeline one year out from your celebration:
1 Year Out
- Meeting with Hazzan Harold to discuss all aspects of the B’nai Mitzvah including Mitzvah Project, Torah reading, Haftarah reading, prayer leading, preparation, honors, selecting tutor (if not already assigned)
- Molly or Merle will be in touch regarding logistics: Kiddush Luncheon or other event such as having Friday Night dinner at the shul, van, security needs, items being dropped off, caterer questions, etc. She will also set meetings between Rabbi David and your child regarding their D’var Torah.
8 Months Out
- Confirm and get formal approval on your child’s mitzvah project from Hazzan Harold. Have your child complete Part 1 of the online Mitzvah Project proposal. Part 2 to be completed online after finishing the mitzvah project.
6 Months Out
- For Student and Parents: Initial meeting with the Rabbi to discuss D’var Torah; review detailed timeline for completing D’var Torah; set dates for additional meeting with Rabbi usually 1-2 months in advance of B’nai Mitzvah.
- Confirm with Molly the date and time of run through (usually 10 days before the actual ceremony) and pictures – preferably not on the same date as the run through. Indicate if you would like the Rabbi and/or Hazzan to be present for photographs.
4 Months Out
- Finalize guest list
- Order invitations
- Order kippot (optional)
- Order a Talit for the B’nai Mitzvah
2-3 Months Out
- Begin filling out and submitting honors form, including Hebrew names. Submit via email to Harold and Molly no later than two weeks before the b’nai mitzvah ceremony. – Please do not hesitate to contact us with any questions about this. See the appendix for the honors form.
- Send out invitations.
- Touch base with our Executive Director, Lori, to confirm details of the event.
- Make sure all vendors have submitted an insurance certificate.
- Student check-in with Hazzan Harold to check on progress.
1 Month Out
- Order additional van service to extend hours of service, if necessary.
- Submit the final draft of D’var Torah to Rabbi David for review.
2 Weeks Out
- Submit a Welcome message for the program to Molly
- Submit final Honors to Molly and Hazzan Harold.
- Submit the final setup of the Social Hall space to Lori
10 Days Out:
- Formal run-through in the Main Sanctuary (approximately 90 minutes). We welcome all caregivers to attend, but sometimes due to work or other situations, if only one adult parent attends that is fine. Bring to the run-through all materials your child has used to prepare, any copies of prayers, readings, etc. IMPORTANT: bring the final draft of your child’s D’var Torah, and if possible, the child’s Talit/prayer shawl.
Friday of:
- Drop off all supplies, flowers, Kippot, etc. at the shul. All deliveries, both from family and your vendors, must arrive no later than 1:00 pm on the Friday before the B’nai Mitzvah.
Day Of:
- Bring to Beth Am Israel a copy of your parent blessing, the Child’s binder of blessings, Haftarah, Torah, D’var Torah, a bottle of water, and tissues.
- Relax, take a deep breath, and MAZAL TOV!
Explanation of Honors for Family and Friends:
A form listing the honors is detailed in the appendix. Please review it with the Hazzan two weeks before the service. During Shabbat Morning Services, family members or friends may:
- Chant a section of Torah
- Carry the Torah in procession
- Come up to the bimah to open/close the ark or dress the Torah (Gelilah)
- Have an Aliyah (chant the blessings before and after the Torah reading)
- Offer a prayer in English. This is appropriate for family members or guests who are not Jewish and whom you want to honor with this particular role in the service.
Inclusion of those who are not Jewish/of different faiths:
A person who is not Jewish may participate during the service in the following ways:
- Accompany a Jewish person to recite the Aliyah blessing before and after a portion of the Torah is read. There is no requirement for this person to say the blessing, nor does this person need to wear a prayer shawl (tallit). We do ask that a head covering is worn by all who come up to the reading Table for an honor.
- Accompany a Jewish person in opening/closing the Ark where the Torah is kept.
- Read a prayer for Israel or a Prayer for Our Country.
- Offer an alternative reading or poem (this must be pre-approved by the Rabbi).
A non-Jewish person may not carry, dress or lift the Torah scroll.
Please note: The honor of lifting the Torah (Hagbah) is designated for Beth Am Israel members only. We will assign that honor to a congregant. In the instance that you would like a congregant to lift the Torah, please speak to Hazzan Harold in advance.
Chanting Torah by immediate family, extended family, and friends:
If a family member or friend would like to chant Torah, please notify Hazzan Harold at least three months in advance. If needed, we can provide a recording of the Torah readings and/or blessings. Please make sure to coordinate all Torah readers with Hazzan Harold. Any family or friend who takes on this honor must be prepared to read no later than 10 days before the B’nai Mitzvah. We ask that any reader be in touch with Hazzan Harold to read their portion over the phone (or send a recording of them reading).
PARENTS: You do not need to read Torah at your child’s B’nai Mitzvah. We strongly and lovingly urge parents not to take on reading from the Torah (especially if you have not read since your own B’nai Mitzvah)!
It is our experience that in many cases, parents, especially those reading for the first time, end up spending time ‘cramming’ their Torah reading at the last moments, exactly when it is important to be present for your child and family.
Naturally, there are those parents who are very capable Torah readers and for whom this will not be a burden or distraction. However, even in those situations, we still advise not taking on any major role but rather, just being present and focused solely on your child and the Simcha. This moment truly only happens once.
Parent Blessing
After the Torah service parents are invited to give a short blessing, sharing your hopes and wishes for your child going forward. You may write your own, use a traditional blessing, or a combination. Please plan to speak for no longer than two minutes. This moment intends to focus your blessing on who your child is and your hopes for their future. Think of the prayer as more, “May You…” and less, “I remember when…
Presentation of gifts
Following the chanting of the Haftarah and parent blessing, a member of our Board (usually our President) will make a presentation of several gifts. These gifts are non-transferable and non-refundable.
Decorum
For many guests, both Jewish and non-Jewish, our Shabbat Morning Service will be a new and unfamiliar experience. Ahead of your celebration, please share with your guests our practices and customs regarding behavior in our Sanctuary. In the appendix is a sample letter that addresses the following items related to decorum, one we encourage you to send to your guests.
- No loud talking is permitted in the Sanctuary during services.
- No cell phone use; texting, calls, video or still photography is permitted at any time.
- There is no writing, drawing, use of electronics, smoking, or recording on the synagogue premises during any B’nai Mitzvah services or luncheon, including services that take place on a weekday morning. Please ask your guests not to use cell phones while on synagogue premises and if they need to, then please do so outside the Main Sanctuary.
- The synagogue will provide ushers for the service to help guests get to their seats, maintain decorum, and provide guidance as to when people may enter the Sanctuary.
Supervision for Youth
Teenage and youth parties require the attendance and supervision of at least one adult for every five children, as well as the hiring of a security guard. Parents are responsible for overseeing all areas, including bathrooms, the kitchen, unused areas of the building, and outside areas.
Headcoverings
We request that all congregants wear a head covering. Those with honors must wear a head covering when standing on the bimah or at the Torah.
Program Booklet (bulletin):
When a B’nai Mitzvah is celebrated, we prepare a program listing honors, yahrzeits, announcements, acknowledgments, and upcoming events. You are invited to write a personal welcome to go in the program; please keep it to between 150-200 words. Please return your honors spreadsheet and your welcome blurb to the office two weeks prior to the B’nai Mitzvah. The office will print the bulletin and have it available on Shabbat Morning. We ask that you do not create a separate booklet.
Financial Responsibilities:
It is expected that all families celebrating a B’nai Mitzvah at Beth Am Israel will be current on their financial obligations to the synagogue. That means that prior to the date of your simcha, you have no outstanding balances on your account. This includes Membership dues, tuition, B’nai Mitzvah fee, as well as any other outstanding charges on your account. In addition, if you are hosting a private celebration at the shul following the service, those fees must be paid in full two weeks prior to your event.
In 2019, after hearing from several families regarding the B’nai Mitzvah fee, we made the decision to break the payment up over several years so that it was not overly burdensome. We also lowered the fee. As of now, the total B’nai Mitzvah fee is $990. This amount is spread over three years: $330/year in the 4th, 5thand 6th grade years of Beit Midrash. To phase in this new fee structure, in Fiscal Year 2020-21, we charged families as follows:
If your child was in 7th grade as of September 2020: $990
If your child was in 6th grade as of September 2020: $495 (the first of 2 payments)
If your child was in 5th grade as of September 2020: $495 (the first of 2 payments)
If your child was in 4th grade as of September 2020: $330 (the first of 3 payments)
Going forward, for the 2021-22 Fiscal Year, families will be billed as follows:
Incoming 7th grade (the second of 2 payments): $495
Incoming 6th grade (the second of 2 payments): $495
Incoming 5th grade (the second of 3 payments): $330
Incoming 4th grade (the first of 3 payments): $330
We will no longer bill families for security, community kiddush, van service, and any other fees typically incurred as part of a morning service. These services will be provided to all families having a simcha at Beth Am Israel.
Some things to note regarding fees:
Tutoring
B’nai Mitzvah tutoring happens outside the classroom. Working in consultation with Hazzan Harold, you will need to select and agree to work with an approved tutor, or if you have someone else not currently approved, to check with Hazzan Harold in advance. Rates for tutors vary and should be agreed upon before your child begins working with the tutor. These fees are paid directly to the tutor and are not billed through BAI.
Kiddush at Beth Am Israel
Beth Am Israel is happy to provide a kiddush each Shabbat. We find this a meaningful and important part of building community. Our kiddush typically includes an assortment of bagels, cream cheese spreads, tuna and egg salad,cookies, and hot and cold beverages.
Everyone attending our morning service, as well as our students attending Shorashim Limmud and our staff are all invited to attend our community kiddush. Of course, when there is a simcha, the family and friends of the celebrant are also invited to join in our kiddush as well. While there is no additional charge for this, if you wish to have a more elaborate kiddush, you have two options:
Engage the services of one of our approved caterers or schedule time in our synagogue kitchen, to prepare a kiddush luncheon for all (typically, you can assume approximately 50-60 people, over and above your guests). You would, of course, be responsible for paying for the services of the caterer and any food you would be providing.
Other costs to consider:
Photography
Many families opt to engage the services of a professional photographer. You would need to arrange with our Office Manager, Molly, a time to come in to take photographs. Please note, there is no photography or videography permitted on Shabbat in the Sanctuary or Social Hall.
Flowers
Some families also like to purchase flowers or care baskets to decorate the sanctuary. The office is happy to provide a list of suggested vendors.
Some families opt to have a more formal, evening party following their morning simcha. Please consider the following:
- There is a rental fee to use the Social Hall for your party.
- Family is responsible for paying security and van service for the evening.
- Family is responsible for hiring a caterer as well as music/entertainment
Our office team is happy to offer guidance in planning your event. Please note that all arrangements must be approved by the office BEFORE you sign any contracts!
Parking and Transportation
On a typical Shabbat Morning with a B’nai Mitzvah and school in session, we often rely on overflow parking. This is available on Tower Lane.
Please inform your guests in your invitation about the off-site parking, and suggest they park in these areas without first driving through the Beth Am Israel parking lot, unless there is a need for an elderly or disabled passenger to be dropped off at the building. Directions and a map to the off-site parking lots are in the appendix; feel free to send these to your guests.
Some families have hired vans or school buses to transport guests to and from the synagogue. If you’re considering a bus for transport, please contact the office about logistics and timing.
Vendors
General Vendor Information
Common vendors include a caterer and/or server, florist, and photographer. Some families also hire videographers, musicians, decorators, and more. Please feel free to contact the office with questions or for information on commonly used vendors.
Insurance Certificates & Vendor Contracts
Please provide Beth Am Israel with the names of every vendor who will perform services in the building within 45 days of the event. This includes a vendor who is only dropping something off. Each vendor you use must provide Beth Am Israel with both an insurance certificate; it is your responsibility to make sure that they provide us with this document. Should a vendor not provide an insurance certificate or a liability release (which can be obtained from the office), they won’t be permitted to work in the building. For most vendors, this is standard practice. If you or your vendor(s) have questions, please contact the office.
Delivery, Storage & Pick-up
All deliveries for Friday evening or Saturday must arrive on Friday before noon. No deliveries are permitted on Shabbat. Deliveries for post-Shabbat events may not arrive during Shabbat.
Food and beverages must be certified kosher and may be stored in the walk-in refrigerator. Please clearly mark all food and supplies with your name and the date, as there may be multiple events on any given weekend.
All supplies and equipment not belonging to Beth Am Israel must be removed in a timely manner. Beth Am Israel assumes no responsibility for loss or damage to any items left behind.
Photography and Videography
Photography and videography are not permitted in the Sanctuary when a celebration falls on Shabbat or a Festival. If you wish to take photographs during your rehearsal, you may do so.
Music
Live or recorded music may be played at a reception in the Synagogue Social Hall on Shabbat. If you plan to have music, please contact the Hazzan for specific guidelines.
Caterers
Please check with Lori before entering into any contractual arrangement with a caterer. Beth Am Israel only allows approved caterers to work in our building; please check with the office for a list of approved caterers. All agreements with caterers must include setup, food preparation, service, and cleanup afterward. Our custodial staff is not responsible for these tasks. Families/caterers are also responsible for all paper goods, silverware, coffee/tea, linens, etc. If you are interested in using a kosher caterer not on the list, please ask the office. All food served at the synagogue must meet our kashrut requirements. If you choose to use a drop off caterer, pre-arranged platters, or plan to cook in the Beth Am Israel kitchen yourself you will need to hire party helpers or have family/friends available for Shabbat Morning to set up, clean up and serve the food. There will also need to be a mashgiach present at all times. Joy Edelman (partyhelpers@comcast.net) is an approved party helper whose staff is certified in the Beth Am Israel kitchen.
Kitchen Usage & Kashrut
- Whether you are cooking or have a caterer, please take note of the following guidelines:
- No food or beverages should be left out on tables or counters. If you have leftover food, please consider sending leftover food to a homeless shelter (this should be arranged in advance).
- All dishes must be washed and put in the appropriate meat or dairy dish areas.
- Beth Am Israel often holds several events in a single day; please be considerate and leave the kitchen and premises clean for the next event.
Kashrut Guidelines
Please read these guidelines carefully and adhere to them when you are bringing in or preparing food in the synagogue. Special care must be taken to ensure that all food served at Beth Am Israel meets our kashrut standards. Any costs related to the violation of Beth Am Israel kashrut policies are the exclusive responsibility of the family.
- No food may be brought in from home under any circumstances. The only acceptable food in the Beth Am Israel kitchen is:
- Cooked meals provided by an approved kosher caterer.
- Fresh fruit and vegetables.
- Baked goods from pre-approved bakeries.
- Kosher food cooked in the Beth Am Israel kitchen following the Beth Am Israel Kashrut Guidelines and under appropriate supervision approved by the Rabbi.
- All items must be prepackaged, sealed, and bearing an appropriate hechsher. (Kosher certification)
- All food prepared in the Beth Am Israel kitchen must be under the supervision of an approved mashgiach (supervisor). Beth Am Israel’s mashgiach are members of our community who volunteer to ensure that BAI’s kashrut policies are observed and to help you with any questions as they arise during food preparation.
- On Shabbat, food may be assembled and reheated in the kitchen, but not cooked.
- Only kosher wine may be served.
Setup, Decoration & Flowers
Room Setup Logistics
Beth Am Israel can accommodate up to 225 people for a meal. Beth Am Israel can provide tables and chairs based upon availability; you may need to arrange for additional tables and chairs.
Any discussion regarding room setup or other details related to your party should be directed to Lori? in our office. Our education program, as well as other programs, may be taking place at the same time as your celebration, so all setups will reflect consideration of traffic flow and other programs. If you are planning to book a caterer, they may help you determine the setup. Please describe the way you’d like the room set up to the office at least two weeks prior to the B’nai Mitzvah.
*Please see the section above regarding catering before you make arrangements with a caterer.
Synagogue Decorations
You are welcome to beautify the Sanctuary and other parts of the building with flowers or other decorations.
- Families often bring in centerpieces for tables, of flowers, candy, plants, or gifts for charity.
- Some families choose to use Because We Care, a nonprofit, volunteer-based company, that provides baskets that will then be donated to charity. They can be reached at 215-635-4774.
- Decorations may only be placed in rooms which have been reserved in the contract. If you would like to decorate common areas or other areas not covered in the contract, please contact the office.
- Only draperies using free-standing poles are permitted; no draperies may be hung from the ceilings or walls.
- We ask that you do not place balloons or other party decorations outside of the building or at the top of the hill.
- Pins, staples, tacks, or anything else which may cause permanent damage may not be used anywhere in the building, including to hang decorations on walls or from the ceiling.
- All decorations must be removed after the event.
Honors Worksheet (Revised, Fall 2023)
B’nai Mitzvah name (*Include the FULL HEBREW and English name)
English Date of B’nai Mitzvah___________________
Open and Close Ark (during Torah processional – 2 people, English names only)
1____________________________________________________
2____________________________________________________
Carry Torah (processional- English name only)
1___________________________________________________
Note: Please do not assign a Torah lifter. Beth Am Israel will designate a congregant to lift the Torah.
Dress Torah: (1-person, English Name only)
___________________________________________________
Carry Torah (recessional – 1-person, English name only)
1____________________________________________________
Open and Close ark for Torah recessional (1 or 2 people, can be different than those who opened ark for processional)
1_____________________________________________
2_____________________________________________
These following prayers may be given to a non-Jewish family member or friend. You may assign up to two people for each reading.
Prayer for Our Country (up to 2 people):
Prayer for Israel Can be read in Hebrew or English (If being read in Hebrew, that person must be a strong Hebrew reader. It is fine to have this prayer read in English.)
Aliyot to the Torah (the Torah blessing)
You are given 4 aliyah blessings to assign to family and friends. This includes the Aliyah blessing that the parent’s take, normally the 7th Aliyah. This does NOT include the ‘maftir’ Aliyah blessing for your B’nai Mitzvah child.
We generally call parents up for the 7th Aliyah blessing so that they can be at the readers’ table when their child is called for the Maftir Aliyah (the final Torah reading and blessing of the Torah service).
We welcome both parents, whether Jewish or not, to take part in the Aliyah blessing.
You may have up to two people come up for a given Aliyah blessing, although exceptions can be made. Please speak to Hazzan Harold if you might need to call up more than two people for a particular Aliyah blessings.
If you know in advance that the person(s) is/are a Kohen or Levi, please indicate that on the worksheet.
Please be explicit if assigning specific aliyot (ex: Please give Aunt Bessie and Uncle Ernie the third Aliyah).
Please include the full English name and full Hebrew name of each honoree.
Full Hebrew name means their Hebrew first (and if known, but not required, Hebrew middle) name followed by “ben” (“son of,” for a man) or “bat” (“daughter of”) and their parents’ Hebrew first name (middle name not necessary for parents).
Aliyah:
English Name(s):___________________________________
Hebrew Name(s):__________________________________
Aliyah:
English Name(s)___________________________________
Hebrew Name(s)____________________________________
Aliyah:
English Name(s)___________________________________
Hebrew Name(s)____________________________________
Aliyah: (Parents of B’nai Mitzvah)
English Name(s)____________________________________
Hebrew Name (s)___________________________________
Sample letter to send to family and friends ahead of your Simcha
Dear friends / parents of ____’s friends,
I am writing to share with you our excitement as ____’s B’nai Mitzvah approaches and to convey a message requested by our synagogue.
Beth Am Israel’s leadership has asked that we emphasize the following points, which I quote below:
1) Modesty and respect in dress is a deeply held value at Beth Am Israel. Clothing worn in a House of Worship is more modest than party clothes.
2) In an effort to preserve the distinctive quality of Shabbat (Sabbath), our practice at Beth Am Israel prohibits the use of cell phones and other electronic devices. We ask our guests, and one another, to turn cell phones off or to set them to vibrate, and to put them away. If there is an emergency need to use a cell phone, guests may step outside the building.
3) Please be aware that at Beth Am Israel, all men, whether Jewish or not, are asked to wear kippot (head coverings) as a sign of respect. Women are welcome and invited to wear kippot if they so choose. This request includes school-age children.
4) We ask that the school-age guests of the B’nai Mitzvah sit on the main sanctuary level, in the fixed seats to the right of the bimah (stage), not upstairs. This location best enables the guests to connect with the service and it best enables us to connect positively with them.
Thank you in advance for helping us maintain our traditions at Beth Am Israel and celebrate ___’s milestone with us.
Warm regards,
________ Family
The D’var Torah (aka, “The Speech”)
Your D’var Torah (literally a “word of Torah”) is an opportunity for you and your family to study the Torah portion together, and then for you to teach us something that you have learned. It is a way of bringing your voice into the conversation that is Torah by adding it to the text itself, the tradition, our ancestors and the Jewish people as a whole. In this way your voice becomes a part of the greater Torah that is the collective Wisdom of our People.
Follow this timeline for D’var Torah preparation. Please reach out to Merle to set up a meeting with Rabbi David who will be the point person on this aspect of your child’s preparation.
Six months before:
First meeting with Rabbi to discuss D’var Torah.
Three months before:
Second meeting with Rabbi on D’var Torah, further formulation of main ideas for D’var Torah.
Six weeks before the run-through:
Student completes the first draft of D’var Torah, and submits to Rabbi for comments.
Four weeks before the run-through:
Student submits the final draft to Rabbi for any last edits, or comments. If needed, the student resubmits their draft to the Rabbi, otherwise, it is approved.
Two weeks before the run-through:
Rabbi signs off on final draft. The student has time to format and practice ahead of rehearsal.
At B’nai Mitzvah run through:
Student reads final, edited and Rabbi-approved draft of D’var out loud.
Preparation
In preparation for writing your D’var Torah:
- Read the entire Parasha (portion) carefully. Outline the plot, action, storyline, or content of the whole Parasha, and be able to answer the following questions:
o What is the parasha’s name? In what sefer/book of the Torah is it found?
o Who are the major characters (if any)?
o What is the context/setting of this Parasha (what happened before and after)?
o What is this Parasha about?
- With members of your family, re-read and discuss the Parasha. While you study together, think about and ask yourself and each other:
o What questions do you have about this Parasha and its content? Is there anything that you found challenging? Disturbing? Interesting? Inspiring?
o Can you identify with any of the characters, their situations, their actions? How is their situation/problem/dilemma similar to and/or different from yours?
Meeting with the Rabbi David
Approximately six months before the B’nai Mitzvah service, the student and at least one parent will meet with Rabbi David for about an hour to study the Parasha and begin to organize the D’var Torah. The most important part of this meeting will be to help figure out what you want to talk about. There are a number of different ways to come up with a topic to discuss, all of them based on your studying the Parasha:
- Something in your portion you found particularly interesting
- An overall general theme or value (e.g., creation; freedom; leadership)
- A very specific point of a story or law (e.g., the hardening of Pharaoh’s heart; the mitzvah of tzedakah)
- A topic that other commentators found worthy of discussion
- Your mitzvah project suggests an idea that you can connect to your Parasha
- The connection between your Torah portion and the haftarah
A second meeting lasting about a half-hour, this time usually only with the Rabbi and the B’nai Mitzvah student, will occur about two weeks later, to continue the writing process and work together to prepare.
Writing Your D’var Torah
- Using your outline, write a short introductory summary of what your Parasha is about. Make sure to include the information from #1 above. Depending on the Parasha, this should be about ½ to one page long.
- Introduce the topic that you are going to discuss. If it is a story from the Parasha, tell us the story in greater detail. If it is a law or ethical principle, describe and explain it in more detail. How does it relate to the Parasha as a whole (how is it connected)?
- What is the lesson this text is trying to teach? How do the characters or action of the story illustrate the lesson? What do traditional commentaries have to say about your topic? Do they add any information, understanding, or insight? How do you feel about what they say? (Feel free to agree or disagree, but make sure you explain why.) Can you find parallels or make connections with your life, or the world today? Give a few examples, especially from your own experience.
- Does your mitzvah project connect to your Parasha and your teaching? Can you make a connection to it? How has your project been an example of your teaching? What have you learned that might help explain what the Torah is trying to tell us in this Parasha?
- Tie it all together. Summarize your points and draw some conclusions about how to understand the Torah’s teaching and what we can do to put these lessons into practice. Your D’var Torah should be approximately 4-6 pages long – typed, double-spaced, 14-point font (for easier reading). This may vary depending on your topic and comments. Your D’var Torah should be ready to be delivered at your rehearsal, where it will be read for practice.
Resources
Etz Hayim: Torah and Commentary, Rabbinical Assembly & United Synagogue of
Conservative Judaism/Jewish Publication Society: This is the chumash that we use in our services. It has two layers of commentary on each page plus a number of more in-depth articles in the back on a wide range of general topics. Check these out to see if there is something related to your Parasha or your topic.
The Torah: A Modern Commentary (Plaut), Union of American Hebrew Congregations: This Chumash offers line-by-line commentary and short topical articles, as well as “gleanings” of related quotes from a wide range of traditional, academic, and modern texts and thinkers.
A Torah Commentary for Our Times (Fields), UAHC Press: A three-volume set that gives a short summary of each Parasha and several subjects with commentary from classical and modern sources.